Disclaimer: This is a raw emotional post in response to an email and notice that my Grandpa is doing well. It’s more of a tribute to my Grandparents.
So tonight i received an email that my Grandpa on my dad’s side is not doing well. A few weeks ago i was able to go back home and i stopped in to see them on a Sunday morning before church. They were sitting in the common area at the nursing home where they have lived for the past several years. Grandpa has Alzheimers and he doesn’t always recognize me. This particular day i had the kids with me and my mom came along. Grandpa was walking in and when he saw me, he acted like he recognized me. He didn’t know for sure who i was but his face lit up when he saw me. That doesn’t always happen when i go see them. I reminded him who i was and who the kids were like always and then i asked him how he was doing. He was moving slowly to his seat and stopped and answered “I have a good family and my faith and good work, its good” It was so neat to hear how happy he was that day. We had a great time visiting for the short visit. Both Grandma and Grandpa enjoyed seeing the kids and I. Grandma is always telling me im “her little girl”, how i always came up running to the house when they lived on the farm and my family in the trailer house. She always tells the story about Josh and i running up to her house in the middle of a cold day with snow all over the place when we couldn’t find mom, who was helping dad in the farrowing barn and had told me where she was. Grandma tells how we were barely dressed for the weather outside. We talk about more stuff but right now i can’t remember it all. I just know that whether they live for another 10 years or pass away, i will miss both of them dearly. Grandpa and Grandma have both been and inspiration of what faith in God looks like. What prayer is, what being a child of God is. What being in the mission field activily sharing God with people no matter how young or old you are. Grandpa and Grandma have taught me to be respectful of our elders, respectful in church (remember that Thanksgiving day dad only a few years ago when Grandpa scolded us every so silently when we were giggling in church) My Grandma taught me to bake bread and i every time i make bread i remember spanking the bread in Grandma’s kitchen on the farm and punching it down and dropping the bread every so carefully into the loaf pans. I have several of Grandma’s bread pans and they older i get the more priceless they are. I remember when Grandpa and Grandma moved to town and we would walk to their house after school. I loved playing checkers with Grandpa on the old marble checker board. I loved how he always rubbed the same spot in the board wondering what it was and why it was there. Looking back it makes sense that that was the start of his disease. I can still see his fingernail as he rubbed that spot sometimes a few times during the game. I loved to see him mowing the Christian school lawn and the church lawn and how happy he was to mow the lawn. Not to mention how happy he was when he drove his put put tractors around the farm and in the tractor pulls. I loved going to his place and getting to ride the horseless buggy when he got it out. It didn’t happen a whole lot but often enough that it was always a special memory. It was always fun to see what he created in his woodworking shop. I loved to see him caring for the birds and the birdhouses all over his yard. Grandma took such good care of all the flowers in her yard. I miss going to their house on Sunday’s and playing football or freeze tag or whatever game we made up on those lazy Sunday’s. I miss getting to put puzzles together with the cousins and watching boring nature shows because thats all that was on tv. I even miss the BBQ’s that we had, and the stale cheese balls that we revived in the microwave. I miss getting to go spend the night at Grandpa and Grandma’s where we would have cream peas on toast for supper and Grandpa’s special hot cocoa that he would serve Grandma and I. I felt like such a princess when he did that.
I don’t remember as much from when Grandpa lived on the farm but there is a memory of when Grandpa was milking the cow in the barn as he sat on the old T stool and he taught me to sit on the same stool. I remember how Grandpa was the only one who drove the combine during harvest. There are many more memories that are in my mind but i need to move forward. I have lots of memories of my Grandpa and Grandma on both sides and i wish i could write them all down and cherish all those memories. Many of my current memories are bittersweet as we walked with Grandpa in his disease. He has left us in fits of laughter and tears in how he has progressed the past few years. I still laugh at the time Grandpa said something inappropriate to my brother multiple times in one night. We laughed and laughed because it was just not Grandpa who would do this. There were times Grandpa would go back to his past and just talk about his past and how he traveled and harvested. How he farmed and things he did. I treasure those moments and i am so glad i took the time to go visit Grandpa and Grandma no matter how hard it was to see them get older. It has been so fun to teach my kids a little dutch and go back and show them.
and to listen to them talk or argue in Dutch was always funny to me. I loved to see Grandma’s face light up when she got to hold one of my kids as a baby, one of her many great grandchildren. It was funny to see Grandpa’s ornery side come out as he would pick on us and still have his sense of humor when we visited. I know it has been harder for the family who live close to watch them get worse but for me i have fond memories of mostly good with a few specs of bad days. I love my Grandparents very much! I miss my Grandpa on my moms side but because Grandpa Clarence lived so close its just a little harder to see him get worse and go home.
So as i stood in the shower processing the email on my Grandpa, all i can think of is what will i do when i don’t see him there sitting next to Grandma. What will i do when they both are not here on this earth for me to go visit. I know i need to let them go and i know that i will get to see them someday in heaven. Thank you God for saving me and for saving my Grandparents and for their testimony they have lived over 90 years. My next thought is that i wish i could tell Grandpa to give my little baby a hug.  We lost a baby to miscarriage before Gavin, the healing is there but then there is a day like this that i am so….excited to get to heaven because i have a part of me there waiting for me. I know i have a few very special people there taking care of our little baby but it will be so special to me to know that there is another Grandparent there for “him” to welcome into eternity and show them around Heaven. I felt this same what when my Grandpa on my moms side passed away.
So tonight as i wait, which may be now or later I pray that God will bless this family. I pray that God blesses my Grandpa, keep him from pain, comfort him and walk beside him during this time. I pray for my family as they walk through this time as well.
As i finish this the music that is playing is “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” What truth in this! But he is more that that, he is my Savior! If you dont know Jesus as this person friend and Savior, please ask me about it. Because as i feel tonight, the peace that i have because of Jesus is so overwhelmingly comforting.